He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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