I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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