it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
