i need an iv and a liver transplant
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
