I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
