we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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