Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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