I want to walk on stilts...naked
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
