Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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