How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
