I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
