Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
