can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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