i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
