I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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