If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
