census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
