Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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