i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
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