TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
