erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
