I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
