i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
