Define "chronic" masturbator.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
