I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
