Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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