my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
