hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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