It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
