We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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