Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
And the cops told us we were all naked.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Also, beer. Big fan.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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