his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
