Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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