You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
