At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
