Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
