If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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