I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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