I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
