Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
