it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
