He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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