Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
40s are totally the cure
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
