Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
