Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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