He asked to "fluff my boner.."
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
