i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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