he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
