Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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