Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
