I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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