i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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