I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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