I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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