im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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