Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
