ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
