you guys were way drunker than both of me
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
